HIGHstory

this is my story of a high I experienced the other day.

high: n. A state of ultimate euphoria

Backstory:
I was struggling so bad and confused about my purpose, future etc and just DOWN. New city, new surrounding, no loved ones, completely ALONE. On top of that I couldn't feel God's presence during my quiet time or while reading the Word. I felt lonely AND alone when I needed His presence the most. It was all bad.

But if there is anything I've learned about those moments is NOT to keep God out! I wanted to neglect Him so bad because I felt that was how He did me but see I already went through that test earlier this year and I knew the sooner I involved Him in my low moments, the better for me.
Remember this blog? "...knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." James 1:3.

My faith had been tested in this area and I overcame. Remembering that, I was able to fight those thoughts that I knew did not come from God. Things didn't get better tho, they got worse. I got a B on my first exam after studying so hard, barely missed the A mark. This sounds silly that I was upset about this but I believed God's promise that I would be the head and not the tail (Deuteronomy 28:13) . I did not want anything less than an A and I TOLD HIM THAT so why did he let me down?
Again, I fought against neglecting God, pressed more into His presence day after day during my quiet time for weeks with no answer! Then a couple of days ago, while praying, He said these words to me:

"It is crucial that you learn to run into my arms FIRST" .. I was stunned. What does that mean? I always put God first? ... all of a sudden He showed me how my life the past couple weeks had been dependent on others. Friends, family, professors, colleagues had taken the place of God in the sense that I relied on my friends and family checking up on me/communicating one way or another to make me feel less lonely. When I was studying and I felt overwhelmed, first thing I did was email a professor or I would meet up with my classmates and try to have them help me understand a concept. God did not like that at all. While those are all great resources, He wanted me to ASK HIM FIRST. After he showed me that I pleaded for His forgiveness and mind you, I had another exam coming up and each time before studying I made sure to ask Him first to make the concepts clear to me and to help me absorb the necessary information. The test was in a couple of days. Guess what my exam score was? An A! I was soooooo high off Him. How His rebuke was right on time! Proving God for yourself is the best feeling ever! How my obedience to His word led to the direct fulfillment of His promise, it blew my mind. I could go on and on and on but I'll stop with this:

God will never fail you. Even when you think He has. He will NEVER leave you. Even when you think He has. He will never forsake you. Even when you are sure He has.

Remember that.

note. to. self.

Grace & PEACE.